DISCLAIMER: These methods are recommended for experiences of passing sadness. If you are going through a particularly hard time, these methods are recommended in conjunction with a music therapist or other trained mental healthcare professional. Call or text 988 if you are in crisis or visit https://988lifeline.org/.
Sad Music for Therapy?
One of the most common questions I’ve been asked as a music therapist is “Is it okay to listen to sad music if I’m feeling sad?” It’s such an interesting question because within it is a cultural assumption that it’s somehow unhealthy or unhelpful to experience undesirable emotions like sadness. Sadness can be an incredibly helpful emotion when you are in a place to recognize where it’s coming from. All emotions are messengers, and music can help us understand these messages and bring us to emotions we want to feel.
What is a Valence Playlist?
Before we dive too deep, I want to acknowledge that an excess of any emotion isn’t always a good thing. Listening to sad music can be incredibly validating, especially if there are lyrics that are particularly relevant to your lived situation. However, problems arise if you find yourself unable to leave a sad emotional state, and constantly listening to sad music can compound the issue. One solution to this is something I like to call a valence playlist.
“Valence” is a term used to describe the pleasantness or unpleasantness of a particular emotion. In a valence playlist, songs are sequenced in a way that starts with the most emotionally unpleasant (or in this case sad) music and progresses until it ends with the most emotionally pleasant music. There is no objectively “best” music to use when creating a valence playlist – the music that works for one person may not work for another.
Sample Valence Playlist
Here’s an example of a valence playlist, going from what I would view as the saddest progressing to the most pleasant/happy:
The music I picked ranges from a variety of eras, genres, and overall sounds, but they can be as constrained as you want (i.e. only picking songs from within a certain genre). When picking songs for a valence playlist, it’s important to pay attention to the different qualities of the music and lyrics. What is the speed of the song? The overall energy level? What are the lyrics about? How does the song make you feel?
What is a Song Journal?
Another option for using sad music as therapy is to write a song journal. One of the reasons people can get “stuck” in their sadness when listening to sad music is there aren’t many opportunities to process heavy emotions by just listening to it. A song journal enables you to process your emotions by writing your thoughts after listening to a sad song. It can be a powerful way to explore what message your sadness may be sending you and externalize internal thoughts. However, there is a risk that a song journal might encourage you to continue dwelling on unpleasant feelings. I recommend using this method in conjunction with a valence playlist or working with a music therapist to help.
Using Prompts in a Song Journal
An additional way to structure your song journal is to follow a prompt. Prompts guide your writing process and can offer inspiration if you get stuck. The most helpful prompts allow for self-expression and positive processing. Some examples of song journal prompts include:
A loved one this song reminds me of
How I’m feeling versus how I want to feel
A place that makes me feel safe
A personal project I am excited about
Singing as Music Therapy for Sadness
Finally, you might simply need to sing along. Singing is an incredibly powerful yet vulnerable music therapy tool most people have at their disposal. It is the closest thing your body has to a built-in instrument, and using your voice as the instrument can be nerve-racking even if no one is around. However, singing also has proven health benefits like decreasing stress, improving mood, and developing social connections (if you choose to sing with others). While listening to sad music can be validating, singing along to sad music encourages you to actively engage with your song of choice and experience a more personal relationship with it.
Sad Music is a Powerful Music Therapy Tool
Sadness is, like every other emotion, simply a messenger telling you what you need at that particular moment. Sad music, whether you’re listening to it in a structured way, writing alongside it, or singing along, can help you process your feelings of sadness and move on from it. So to answer the question “Is it okay to listen to sad music if I’m feeling sad?”, yes, as long as you are using it responsibly.
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Seth Greenberg, MT-BC, LPMT
Annapolis Music Therapy Services
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